Looking for an easy way to increase traffic to your website? Simply follow one or more of these steps to see a dramatic change in your hits!

  1. Pretend that you are expert of some kind, and write a blog entry on how to increase traffic to your blog. The fact that your girlfriend is the only one who reads your blog is immaterial.
  2. Find a colorful, festive way to off yourself. In your will, nominate yourself for a Darwin Award. Be sure to include the URL to your blog in your nomination (you won’t believe how many people forget that part).
  3. Attempt some sort of criminal activity in which you are embarrassingly foiled by someone who wears diapers. For example, being beaten senseless with dentures wielded by a 93 year old man in a wheelchair, whom you were trying to mug. When being put into the police car, yell out the URL for your blog. Fark will pick the story up immediately.
  4. Per Wil Shipley, simply add the phrase “Kyle orton drunk”, and you will be rolling in hits.
  5. In the late 90′s start a blog with an obscure, technical name. Post links to technical news, anime, and other geekery. Later, the unemployed and/or students who love Linux and not paying for stuff you might be advertising, will flock to your site and remove any value it might have had.
  6. Create a blog with a name that’s a derivative of a curse word. Until you have actual content to put up, use a placeholder that is a picture of a squirrel with a peculiar glandular problem. Later, post links about criminals getting beaten up by 93 year olds in wheelchairs.
  7. Read the hundreds of posts on how to increase traffic to your site, and determine that that’s too much work. Instead, write about what your cat, Mittens, threw up this morning. Despite the odds, cat lovers will flock to your site, eager to tell you how cute that is, and what their cat just left in the litter-box.
  8. Browse over to Dave Barry’s blog to get ideas. Think, “I could have a much better haircut than that!” Scoff at his writing since he retired. Pretend that its your blog.
  9. Find a way to insult Muslims and/or the Koran, such as drawing a cartoon. Have a well-known cleric declare a jihad on you. In a press release, mention your exact location will be posted daily on your blog. Watch the death threats, erm traffic, roll in.
  10. Write an article on how this will be “The Year of Linux” and how much better it will be than Windows. Be sure to abbreviate Microsoft as M$ a lot. Post it where the unemployed and/or students can find it. Prepare to be slashdotted.

Some of these might even be legal in your state!