I am pleased to announce that as of today, December 25th, 2006, Elaine and I are officially engaged. As you can see, I was not kidding last time when I said engagement was immiment. From now on, people will take me seriously when I start threatening to marry someone.

For the people who didn’t think I was going to propose (or wasn’t proposing fast enough for them), may I say “nyah.” The current plan had been in place since mid-October, so I’ve known that it was going to happen. So there.

As far as the plan goes, it went OK, although it was almost derailed several times. We’re staying with my family, and we typically celebrate Christmas with the immediate family in the morning, then go to my grandma’s house to celebrate it with the extended family in the afternoon. Knowing that I’d never hear the end of it if I showed up to my grandma’s without being engaged, I decided that I should propose after the immediate family Christmas, but before we went to grandma’s.

The problem is Elaine is all nice and helpful. She offered to peel potatoes, and for a moment I thought I’d never get her away so I could propose. Fortunately, she’s a fast peeler, and I managed to get her to take a walk with me.

My parents live in rural Tennessee on twelve acres of mostly wooded land. The plan was to walk one of the trails, and when we got far away enough from the house, propose.

The only problem was it started raining soon after we started walking. We also had two voyeurs with us, who had a wonderful fragrance best described as “wet dog.” One was also a crotch sniffer. Very romantic.

By the time we got to the spot I had picked out, it was raining harder and the ground was muddy, making it difficult to kneel, which Elaine was kind enough to point out. Yeah, it was so awkward that at this point, she had it all figured out.

I went to a knee the best I could, mumbled something meaningful about love and whatnot that I had thought up before, and thrust a ring in her face.

She said “Yes.”

The end.

P.S. We had to run back to the house after that because it started raining really hard.