I’m getting old. Well, not right this minute. Its going to take a while. Like about a week. I think Sunday will work well for me.

As I get older, I’ve decided I’m going to become grumpy. Not because I have reason to, but just because it looks fun. I mean, what other reason would you have to beat innocent people with a walker? Or play with false teeth? Or lose all your hair? Or wear diapers? I tell you what, old people have it figured out.

Supposedly you get that “wisdom” thing too, but that doesn’t sound as entertaining. Besides, I had my wisdom teeth cut out, so I think I’m exempt.

Anyway, Elaine is going to be coming out to visit me for this momentous occasion. Its mainly momentous because I plan to wear pants that day, not for the birthday or anything. I’m pretty excited about it (Elaine visiting, not me wearing pants) but I’m a bit anxious a few of our activities.

We’re having lunch with some of her friends who live in the Dallas metroplex. They’re apparently geeks too, so we should get along fine. But meeting people is always interesting for me. Namely because I tend to clamp my mouth shut and try not to make any noise. I think my mind is too busy processing the new people and what they’re saying to come up with any original thoughts to say. The one time I was dumb enough to open my mouth in such a situation, I said something like “Weasels taste great stewed”. Or something equally captivating.

When I met Elaine’s parents for the first time, all I could do was grin nod my head stupidly like one of those bobble-head dolls. Oh well. Hopefully they thought I was just stoned out of my mind.

Afterwards I think we’re going to go check out the Fort Worth zoo. I keep have visions of me going in with Elaine, getting lost, and Elaine leaving with some chimp (other than me).

Chimp/Andy-Impersonator: Ooo-ooo-ahh-ahh!

Elaine: Oh wow, you look a lot better than usual. Did you get a haircut or something?

Chimp/Andy-Impersonator: AHH-AHH-AHH!

Elaine: Wow, you’re even more well spoken than usual.

She’d figure it out though when they got home and the chimp burned the stew. No one can burn stew like me. Water catches fire.

Did I mention that sometimes my thoughts aren’t human?