* mm_menu 20MAR2002 Version 6.0
* Andy Finnell, March 2002
* Copyright © 2000-2002 Macromedia, Inc.
Ah, in those days I was young and foolish. Foolish enough to leave an electronic paper trail back to me. You don’t see me making that mistake again.
I ended up looking at a lot of the sites that referenced mm_menu or fw_menu. They are typically web developer forums. Most the conversations on said forums go like this:
Newbie: I’ve got these mm_menu.js menus, and I want to them to scroll/delay showing/be horizontal/play the harmonica.
Expert (usually Murray): Those menus suck, don’t use them.
Newbie: But I have most of it working already. I don’t want to start over again.
Expert/Murray: Curse you Marcodobia!
The conversation usually goes downhill from there. There’s also the misunderstanding that I own those menus or even created them. One poster suggested that they take up a collection and pay me to add more features. Ha ha! Dude, I like the idea of you giving me money, but not the idea of me coming within ten miles of the menu code.
How did I get involved with this if I’m not the creator of this mess, you ask? *sigh* Well, if you insist on asking me that question, I guess I have answer it.
For reasons now obvious, that engineer quickly fled the company and the state soon after the Fireworks 4 release.
Learning how the menus even worked was a huge pain the backside. It was a lot of non-obvious, uncommented code. But I figured it out and added all the features management claimed we needed, and managed to bloat the code by 5k. It was also during this time I realized what a mess it was, and how badly we needed to scrap it and start all over again. I also helped tech support and customers out by telling them how to hack the code to add features we weren’t going to add directly. This was a mistake because, once again, I used my real name.
Al Sparber just laughed his way to the bank. (He sells competing HTML menus.)
For the next release there were murmuring of adding even more features. That’s when I pulled the engineer trump card and told them that new features couldn’t be implemented unless the menus were rewritten. That thoroughly killed menu work for the MX 2004 release. I began internally campaigning to have a new set of HTML/CSS menus created (there were lots of examples of these popping up externally).
On the Dreamweaver side, we astutely decided not to support these new fangled menus, but still allowed the old kind to be created. This, of course, was heralded as a “Great Idea” by our advisors. No, just kidding, they hated it and called us names. Being the agile company that we were, we quickly had lots of emergency meetings and promptly decided not to do anything. That’s how Dreamweaver 8 shipped.
After Dreamweaver 8 shipped I left the company, and my involvement with those accursed menus ended.
Of course, none of this helps those of you suckered into using these menus. So for your benefit, I’ll now tell you how to fix the mm_menu.js. Follow these simple instructions:
- Acquire one (1) shotgun. Loaded, preferably.
- Acquire one (1) shovel.
- Pump mm_menu.js full of buckshot until you feel better.
- Repeat Step 3 as necessary or desired.
- With the shovel, dig a hole.
- Dump the remains of mm_menu.js into the hole.
If you’re confused on how to shoot an electronic file, I would suggest printing it out and shooting the printout. Sure, you could shoot the real thing off the hard drive, but you might have trouble determining if you hit the actual sectors the file resides on. Also, there might be economic and/or legal repercussions if you shot the hard drive.
Or perhaps he would just laugh maniacally at you and double the price.