Safe from the Losing Fight

I was recently thinking about razors and shaving. Probably because I just switched razors.

I used to have a Gillette Sensor Excel. I rather liked it, mainly because it was free. All I had to do is register for the Selective Service. It was a great deal. I trade the opportunity to be drafted for a ten dollar razor. Well, its a great deal only because there hasn’t been a draft in my lifetime. If one comes, then its a total rip off.

Especially since I don’t even have it anymore. It was one of the many things stolen. Maybe I can use that as an excuse if there ever is a draft. I don’t have a razor, therefore I’m not eligible for the draft. Except that its illegal not to register when you turn eighteen. So the best I could probably do is talk myself into some jail time.

About a week ago, I went out and bought another razor. Someone recommended a Gillette Mach 3. In hindsight, I’m not sure why I took her advice since she has never used one, and has never even shaved her face. Anyway, the big “upgrade” is supposed to be the Mach 3 has three blades, as opposed to the measly two blades of the Sensor Excel. Not that I could tell a difference. Shockingly, the three blades didn’t shave any better than two. Its as if the “more blades is better” was pure marketing hype. My trust in humanity took a big hit that day. I suspect that two blades shave better than just one, but after two.. eh, doesn’t matter.

The only noticeable difference between the razors was the neck. On the Sensor Excel the handle was right behind the blade. The neck allowed the blade give and flex up and down. On the Mach 3 the handle is in line with the blade. The neck flexes so the blade can move front to back as well as up and down. The result is its very hard to nick yourself with the Mach 3. The downside is you can’t apply any real pressure to the blade. If you do, the neck bends and no pressure is applied to the actual blade. It didn’t seem to make any difference in the shaving ability, but it was a bit unnerving. I guess I’m used to having more pressure when I press down on the razor. The other thing is the Mach 3 had trouble around my jaw line. It doesn’t like changing directions quickly. I’m guessing its to prevent nicking, but it means I had to go over my jaw line a couple of times.

The design of the neck is pretty important, as I experienced when using a disposable razor. Yeah, I ended up having to use the shaving kit. The disposable razor had two blades, and was shaped a lot like the Sensor Excel. The only difference was the neck of it didn’t give up or down or any other way for that matter. As a result, the shave was really rough. I had to get the angle of the blade just right, to get it to shave correctly. The wrong angle meant that I didn’t get all that close and left hair, or got too close and got nicked or razor burn. I guess using the Sensor Excel made me lazy. I just had to get the approximate angle and the neck would flex to the correct one.

All of this is because I can’t use an electric razor. When I first started shaving I was using an electric razor. But it had a bad habit of chewing up my face. My hair is slightly curly, especially on my neck. For some reason, the razor couldn’t handle this. Probably because all the hair on my neck was pointed in a different direction. I’d have to go over my neck many times, just to get most of the hair. As a result, I got some pretty serious razor burn. I gave up on electrics early on in my shaving career.

All this thought about shaving brought me to the ultimate question: why do we even shave to begin with? Well, if you’ve ever seen a shaving commercial, you know the answer: women. Yep. All the shaving commercials, whether about razors, shaving cream, after-shave, pre-shave gel, or whatever, they all feature attractive women. Its never just a dude shaving. And who wouldn’t believe this answer? After all, its from the same people who said three blades are better than two. Plus there’s my personal experience. I took advice on shaving from a woman. She’s never shaved her face or even used the product she recommended. But I wholeheartedly took her advice. Why? The answer is obvious.

Mmmm. Listening to Ten Shekel Shirt right now. “Healer”. Good stuff. I’ve had the album for a while but just recently started listening to it frequently. I also like “Ocean” and “Unashamed Love”.

And as Pat Robertson would say “If you’re not listening to Ten Shekel Shirt right now, you’re going to Hell.”

I’m getting old. Well, not right this minute. Its going to take a while. Like about a week. I think Sunday will work well for me.

As I get older, I’ve decided I’m going to become grumpy. Not because I have reason to, but just because it looks fun. I mean, what other reason would you have to beat innocent people with a walker? Or play with false teeth? Or lose all your hair? Or wear diapers? I tell you what, old people have it figured out.

Supposedly you get that “wisdom” thing too, but that doesn’t sound as entertaining. Besides, I had my wisdom teeth cut out, so I think I’m exempt.

Anyway, Elaine is going to be coming out to visit me for this momentous occasion. Its mainly momentous because I plan to wear pants that day, not for the birthday or anything. I’m pretty excited about it (Elaine visiting, not me wearing pants) but I’m a bit anxious a few of our activities.

We’re having lunch with some of her friends who live in the Dallas metroplex. They’re apparently geeks too, so we should get along fine. But meeting people is always interesting for me. Namely because I tend to clamp my mouth shut and try not to make any noise. I think my mind is too busy processing the new people and what they’re saying to come up with any original thoughts to say. The one time I was dumb enough to open my mouth in such a situation, I said something like “Weasels taste great stewed”. Or something equally captivating.

When I met Elaine’s parents for the first time, all I could do was grin nod my head stupidly like one of those bobble-head dolls. Oh well. Hopefully they thought I was just stoned out of my mind.

Afterwards I think we’re going to go check out the Fort Worth zoo. I keep have visions of me going in with Elaine, getting lost, and Elaine leaving with some chimp (other than me).

Chimp/Andy-Impersonator: Ooo-ooo-ahh-ahh!

Elaine: Oh wow, you look a lot better than usual. Did you get a haircut or something?

Chimp/Andy-Impersonator: AHH-AHH-AHH!

Elaine: Wow, you’re even more well spoken than usual.

She’d figure it out though when they got home and the chimp burned the stew. No one can burn stew like me. Water catches fire.

Did I mention that sometimes my thoughts aren’t human?

[Note: This was the first post of my personal blog, Type 11 Error. The idea was have a blog that wasn't restricted to professional endeavors. If you can't bore them with code, bore them with your personal life, I always say.]

Its all Elaine’s fault, as usual. I was going about my merry way when she starts pestering me that I haven’t posted to my blog recently. That’s why this atrocity was born.

I actually have another blog, Safe from the Losing Fight, but I haven’t posted to it in a while. Its mainly about professional endeavors and thoughts, and I’d like to keep it that way. I haven’t updated it recently because of various NDAs and just simple lack of time. Since I’d like it to be professional the posts there take longer to compose and edit than the simple “what I had for breakfast this morning…” posts.

I’m starting this blog for several reasons:

1. I have a new toy to play with (i.e. iWeb. A hint to those with engineers in their lives: If want something done, buy the engineer a toy that does said job. They still might not finish the job, but at least they’ll be happy for a while. And really, isn’t that the point? To make your engineer happy?)
2. A place to log thoughts that aren’t necessarily professional, well composed, logical, or human.
3. For the proud llamas. You know who you are.

As you might note, with some dismay no doubt, the name of this blog is even geekier than that of my “professional” geek blog. I’m quite proud of that. It just goes to show I’m even more of a dork in my personal life than in my professional. I try not to disappoint.